Photo credit: Danusunt
There are many reasons why a woman doesn’t end up having children. My situation is only one of them, along with the other physical reasons. Sometimes it could be your career, or you just waited so long and when you tried it never happened. Then there are those women who just don’t want to have children, and then there are woman who never found the right person to father their children.
What I am talking about is being childless. When a couple get’s married and have been married for more than two years and there are no children, people often are insensitive to those couples that don’t have children yet. There are many reasons why people don’t have children as I have stated before but what people don’t realise is that there are deep emotions going on in a woman’s and man’s mind when struggling through the fact they don’t have children.
A couple often feels ostracized from their friends and family whom have children, you find that you stop putting yourself in that situation of being around couples with children. You also don’t get invited to these functions as much because you don’t have children. After all these occasions are usually children’s parties, with parents getting together to praise their children, except you don’t so you feel like you are not part of the group.
You also don’t want to put yourself through a day or night of parents telling you how wonderful their children are. You don’t want to hear it, quite frankly. This only makes you more depressed and that longing feeling just grows as is the case with couples that want children but don’t or can’t have them. It is a little different with your sibling’s kids, but none the less it only makes you feel like you are a failure. That is how I feel.
You go on to ask those critical questions like – why can’t I give birth? And why is it that my sister can? That realization comes from men and women who can’t fall pregnant physically, or others whom have just waited too long. Couples who don’t want kids don’t feel this way.
For those who don’t want children they face a different dilemma, that is people criticizing them and telling them that they should have kids now because they might regret it. So essentially you are being made to feel as though you are selfish or that there is something wrong with you for not wanting them.
The truth is, parenting isn’t for everyone, when you don’t have kids you don’t feel that pressure on you to think of kids before making decisions in your life. For example:
- Come and go as you please
- Stay out late if you want to
- Save money
- Go on trips more often
- Have a nice home with less clutter
- Be carefree
- Work full time
- Have parties with loud music
- Give more attention to other people’s kids and buy great presents
- Financial security
- General happiness
- TIME for yourself
- Stress free (children often give you stress)
- Less arguments with your spouse (usually over children)
An interesting article by washingtonpost.com on the subject was fascinating because it had the point of view of someone whom didn’t want children. Also, there was Childless not by choice a great forum for all to talk about their feelings and experiences, a great support network. There are many support groups for those of us that cannot have children, and there are many forums for which you can participate in. My favorite place to search is Google.