Photo by: tsoumplekas
Last year I couldn’t wait to turn 40 and have my big party in January 2012. Well now it’s almost the end of 2012 and guess what? My birthday is coming up again in January and I’ll be turning 41.
In 2011 when I was planning my party I had no idea what I was in for, I thought the old saying “life begins at 40” was the absolute truth. I had no idea that it was not necessarily true and that once you turned 40 you would have struggles like you never thought possible.
This year I have gained weight, not done ¾ of the things in my 40 things I must do before I turn 40, let alone when I was 40. My health has started to not be the best, I had a fall and it has really put a damper on things.
I thought that with age comes wisdom, but I have not learned anything. I thought that I could be the one people turn to for advice and that hasn’t happened. If anything I have been the one asking for advice.
I also find that I more and more want to stay at home and not venture out, which for me wasn’t the thing to do. I was the one who always asked everyone else to get of their butts and come out with me.
I know this sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself but it’s not that! I just never imagined that I would feel like this, I was expecting parties and celebration and the right to say NO to people just because you are older and you can. I was expecting that I would be doing a lot more than I am.
The other thing that has gotten to me lately is that I don’t have children and I am feeling the strain of that all over again. Maybe I am thinking too much, or have too much time on my hands. All I know is that this feels terrible.
The only positive thing is my job, I am really starting to spread my wings and blossom. It challenges me and rewards me with satisfaction of being able to contribute to the bigger picture and much bigger than myself, doesn’t make me feel so small.
I should also mention that my husband has been so great, he is a supportive husband and we have grown together within our marriage. He is my life and I don’t know what I would do without him.
Sorry it’s been so long since I have written anything but I have not felt the passion to write as I once did. I just realised I am getting old!